Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
