my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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