i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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