I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
