i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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