youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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