...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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