i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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