So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
