Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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