ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
