Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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