come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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