once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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