theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
