I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
