Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
