There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
