lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
