I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
