While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
