I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
