I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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