I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
