He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
