My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize