I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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