This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
