Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
