I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
