If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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