had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
