tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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