The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
