update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
