I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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