Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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