Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
