I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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