I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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