some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
