Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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