she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
