just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do vagina's smell?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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