11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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