I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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