hotel room ftw
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
