Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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