Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
