I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
