I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
