he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
