Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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