Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
People in love make me want to vomit
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
