it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize