did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
