Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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