so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
