Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
