smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
