I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
