all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
