all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
