Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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