I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
