Who wears a wallet chain?!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
