Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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