yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
