Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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