I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
